He Makes Me Sad

I watched this video just now, and it made me cry. Why? Because look at how happy Chloe and Chris are. What an amazing dad. Chloe looks so happy!

Today, T and I had another Court Date. He insisted on it. My lawyer called me on Monday to let me know. Yes, at 39 weeks, and 2 days, I went to court. He flat out told the judge, he didn't want to be Baby C's father. Whether DNA can prove it or not.

The judge has left it up to me. If I decide to put T's name on Baby C's birth certificate, he is her father. Then I'll have the option to petition for Child Support and such. Or I can allow T to sign over all Parental Rights. If I do that, his name won't go on Baby C's birth certificate. I can't ever ask for anything from him. Which is more than OK with me. It honestly is. But the judge will not hear any of my decisions unit after Baby C is born.

Here I am, 2 days from my due date. We should be so happy! T and I should be sitting in our home, planning on our Baby Girl's birth. Just thinking about the rest of our lives. Instead, we're in Court. Fighting about whether or not T is going to be held responsible, in the eyes of the Court, as Baby C's father.

It makes me really sad. Because T and I always talked about, what it was like growing up in a "Broken Home." And how we wanted to be married forever. To give our kids a better life. Now look at us. We can't even figure out which way is up.

I wanted so badly to work this out between T and I. And when I realized that there was nothing left to fight for, I at least wanted our baby to have a good relationship with T. But T wants nothing of it. I should be grateful that he decided this before Baby C's birth. Before she grows dependent on her dad.

But it still hurts. It hurts that he left me. Left me for not only 1 other woman, but 2. Who knows, there are probably more. And that he lied to me. Lied about his Baby Girl, M. Both of these innocent babies, deserve a better father.

More than anything, it hurts me that my Baby Girl will never have a relationship with her daddy. She will never have the chance to know the loving side of him. The side that loves, comforts, and protects. It pains me that there will never be love shared between the 2 of them. But that is T's decision. Not mine. And one day, he'll have to explain that to our daughter. XOXO